Life is strange. You can suddenly change from one state of mind into another. In one moment, you can have one opinion and thought about life, and in another, you suddenly leave that behind and take a totally different point of view. But that moment, that exact moment of transition from one idea to another is key. Or rather, it is weird and not understandable to me. How can something or someone change your opinion about something from one instant to another? What exactly is the trigger?

I know about myself, that depending on the topic, I can quickly jump from one opinion to another if someone convinces me with their arguments. I don’t think that that’s a bad thing, actually. I do have my own opinion about everything, or I can come up with my own thoughts about a specific topic, but when it’s a topic about something I don’t have much experience about, I like to hear other people’s opinions and tend to form mine out of them. Often, these attitudes toward something can change again, when I talk to someone else, and they offer a different view on the topic or if I make my own experiences in that sense. I personally think that this means, that I am a quite open-minded person, who likes to question everything and everyone and never believes in one absolute truth.

But then again, there are moments, in which I think I am absolutely certain about something, but suddenly there is this instant that changes everything. You meet someone and your beliefs about life, the future, what you want, what you thought you wanted to change. And this frightens me. How can a person you actually don’t know anything about changing your perspective within seconds? This is insane. Feelings are incomprehensible to me, and I don’t like how much control they can have over me and my thoughts. I thought that after spending a year in China, learning about self-discipline and self-control, I would be able to control and contain my feelings and thoughts, but certain people and certain moments and situations challenge my self-control, and it becomes harder to direct my thoughts in a specific direction and keep my feelings in check. Maybe I should see it as a challenge to prove to myself, that I am indeed capable of total self-control and self-determination. Something the universe set me up with to test my self-awareness and to help me to grow and learn even more about myself.

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